Thursday, 19 March 2015

Chaos Fulfilled: Quiet Alec on Bureaucratic Forms for Heroes

Quiet Alec went above and beyond the original 10 forms requested, giving us 20 ways to bore PCs to death along with arbitrary but non-negotiable fees. We can finally play DnD and Paranoia at the same time.

We've got a bureaucratic crisis, here, and the heroes are ready to go but the proper paperwork has not been filled out.
“You're missing... Hmmm... My system is booting up a little slow today; must be some heavy traffic! Heh.  Sorry about the wait. Eh... okay.  Fine. Fine. Check. Ahh!  Here it is.  You forgot to fill out the following form (roll 1d20)"

1.       Statement of Proper Disbursement of Disowned Valuables, which provides a clear understanding of which party members are entitled to which found valuables. Fee of 2 gp.

2.       Petition for Adventurer’s Immunity, which ensures you’re not held accountable for breaking strange laws of which you weren’t aware. Fee of 8 gp.

3.       Application for Tax Exemption on Found Valuables, so you’re not taxed for anything you find during your adventure. Fee of 12 gp.

4.       Application for Local Cleric Designation, to make sure your body is buried (or resurrected) according to your preferred beliefs.Fee of 31 gp.

5.       Application for Posthumous Necromantic Protection, should you wish to retain your rights as a person and/or citizen if your body is transformed, through purpose or by accident, into a vampire, ghoul, zombie, etc. Fee of 13 gp.
6.       Forfeiture of Progenitor Rights, should you, by accident or purpose, bring into being an entity that you believe you are unfit to care for.  Fee of 17 gp.

7.       Statement of Ethical Standards within the Current Party, for those pesky situations in which a dear companion is cursed or meddled with in such a way to alter their moral alignment and personality to an extent that you no longer wish to work with them.  Fee of 6 gp.

8.       Confirmation of Lighting Standards, assuring each member is properly equipped with materials to provide ample lighting in dark corridors.  Refusal could mean difficulty in covering any physical harm that occurs as everyone will simple say, “You had it coming.” Fee of 28 gp.

9.        Proposal for Disowned Property Annexation, in such a case that you find a large abandoned structure and you wish to renovate it into a domicile. Fee of 11 gp.

10.   Warrant to Explore Discovered Properties, just in case that dungeon and treasure you find is actually owned by a dragon.  You laugh, but these things are a legal nightmare. Fee of 23 gp.

11.   Application for Modern Currency, since not all gold and silver found is up to the modern standards of bankers. Fee of 7 gp.

12.   Pre-Emptive Apology for Accidental Maiming through Magical Artifact, because sometimes you guessed that wand had a healing spell and not a fireball spell. Fee of 2 gp.

13.   Application for Alternative Explanation, which will be spread throughout town so that, should anyone ask about you, they begin their search in the wrong direction. Fee of 9 gp.

14.   Application for Locksmith Compensation, to help reduce the costs should you find a locked chest without an appropriate key.Fee of 5 gp.

15.   Application for Eldritch Caretaker, to provide those special needs required by those unfortunate souls whose body and mind are twisted by horrors beyond our comprehension. Fee of 27 gp.

16.   School of Magic Accreditation, to prove that you received education in magic from only an accredited instructor. Fee of 10 gp.

17.   Annual Statistical Report of Settlement Operations, required by all parties to help our leaders in their decisions for expansion.Fee of 14 gp.

18.   Application for Formal Complaint Against a Party Member, because waiting to file the formal complaint itself can take for-ev-er!Fee of 4 gp.

19.   Healing Services Provider Form, designating whom in the party is in charge of any medical decisions, should debate occur in transit. Fee of 16 gp.

20.   Certification for Traveler’s License, a new program just developed to help keep vandals and wayward children off our country roads. Fee of 33 gp.
If the players refuse to fill out these forms, you should attempt to make any future dealings a bureaucratic nightmare. If possible, ensure that the refused event happens to the player who most refused.  Fees may be negotiable depending on DM, but should provide XP similar to “Carousing tables.”  Adjust fees based on how much money your party has available to spend.

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